Confrontation
by Half-elf
Summary: After the truth is revealed by Malak, Carth and Revan have issues they need to work through. I never thought the single conversation between them about this during the game was enough, so this scene is a little extra and rather more explosive than the one in the game. LSF-Revan/Carth


AN: I just started playing _The Old Republic_ and, of course, it brought to mind all the fun I had playing _Knights_. I remembered that I had jotted some notes down for a story when I was playing KotOR that I had never written. So I dug out my old notebook and decided to write it up. Hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic or anything therein. I am not making a profit from this story.

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"Confrontation"

By Half-elf28

O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O

Adrenalin surged through her as they fled towards the _Ebon Hawk_, leaving Bastila behind with Malak… 'My old apprentice.' Pushing that thought aside, she ran harder, following close on Carth's heels. Thoughts of Malak, and of Revan, would have to wait until they were all safely away from the _Leviathan_.

After what seemed like ages, they were sprinting up the gangplank and Carth tore through the ship to dive into the pilot's seat while she clambered into the gun turrets. They exploded into space, a squad of Sith ships right on their tail. She fired, the guns bucking against her palms, with a calmness only seen with seasoned veterans. And, finally, in a shower of fire and shrapnel they were free.

But it was time to face the music.

She moved to the main area, the dread coming back to rest like a lead weight in her stomach. They would have to be told, both that Bastila had sacrificed herself and that she was… She took a deep breath and went to face her companions.

O.o.o.o.o.O

It had been days since their escape from the _Leviathan_, days since the others learned of her dark past and had accepted her anyways. Well, most of them accepted her. Things with Carth had been strained to say the least. He was gruff with everyone and downright cold with her.

She walked towards the cockpit, wiping sweaty palms against her robes as she did so. She watched his shoulders tense as soon as she walked through the door. He always could tell when she walked into a room. Clearing her throat, she rested her hand on the back of his chair. "So how are we looking?"

"We should be arriving at Manaan in a few days." He spoke through clenched teeth, his eyes never leaving the controls.

She felt sick. She missed the jokes and the comfortable way they had passed the long quiet of hyperspace together. She missed the teasing and his smile. She missed her friend. "Carth, please…"

He spun on her. "Don't." He voice was cold, harsh. "Don't say one word, Revan."

She flinched as if struck. "I'm not Revan."

"But you were!"

The silence rang loudly after his angry shout. He was breathing heavily, his eyes burning with anger and pain. "You were. You were Revan and now I don't know how to deal with you. I need you to complete our mission but I can't forget how you betrayed the Republic once before, how you went from being a hero to becoming a blood-thirsty conqueror."

"I'm not that woman anymore."

"And how do we know that? You remember stuff now, who's to say you won't remember more? Who's to say that down the line you won't remember why you became a power hungry monster and decide to do the same? You brought the Republic to its knees once before and I won't give you that chance again!"

She felt her temper begin to slip the rein her Jedi training had created. "After everything I've done, after all we've done together, you still don't trust me." She leaned forward. "This isn't my problem, Carth, it's yours. It's your damn trust issues rearing their ugly head again."

He shoved to his feet. "My trust issues have nothing to do with this. This has to do with you being the person who tried to take over the whole damn galaxy and created a psychopathic apprentice who is hell bent on finishing the damn job!"

"I can't argue my past, Carth, mostly because I don't remember a damn thing about it." She poked a finger into his chest. "I don't know what's real anymore, Carth. I remember my home world and my parents but they might not be my memories. I can't remember where I come from; I don't even remember when I was born… not really."

"Yeah, it's a hardship, I know."

She glared at him, his anger and attitude fueling her own temper. "What do you want me to do, Carth? You want me to answer for crimes I don't remember committing? I don't know why Revan turned, I don't know why she did the things she did…"

"Not 'she,' 'you.' You're Revan."

She ignored him. "All I know is who I am right now, who _we_ are right now."

She held his gaze, letting the truth of her words sink in. "And I know what we're doing now. That's all that matters. I don't matter, you don't, _we_ don't… only the mission, only stopping Malak."

He turned away, afraid that if he met her gaze his resolve would crumble. It was easier to be angry at her than to deal with the other feelings she caused, especially now that her past had been revealed.

She watched him turn from her, her hopes falling, but she pressed on. "I need you, Carth. I need your help because I won't be able to do this without you." She took a deep breath. "Help me, that's all I ask. You don't have to lo-' she cleared her throat, 'like me, you just need to help me."

She licked her lips and reached a hand out to rest on his shoulder. "If you can't trust me, at least trust in what we're doing." Silence reigned but their angry words seem to still echo around them. With a sigh, she turned and left. She felt the compassionate eyes of Jolee and the concerned gaze of Juhani on her as she walked away (it was amazing how sound could travel when you were aboard a spaceship) but she kept her head high and her emotions in check. Until she reached her bunk anyways, then she let her emotions wash over her and indulged, for once, in tears.

Carth had remained where he was, his head resting in his hands. He knew he hurt her but he couldn't let her in again. Everything he knew of her was a lie. He spent his time reviewing every interaction with her under a lens, trying to find out what was real and what was Jedi programming. Who was she? Was she Revan from before her trip down the dark path, or was she someone playing a part?

This, more than anything, dwelt on the pilot's mind. The time he spent with her had been a lie, who she appeared to be was just a fabrication. Wasn't it?

He slammed a fist down onto the control panel in frustration. At this moment, he hated the Jedi. As a soldier, he always had to be sure of himself. People counted on him, followed his orders. He had to be strong, unwavering. The lives of his soldiers depended on his ability to do so. The Jedi destroyed that. Their deception made him doubt his judgment and, therefore, his ability to safely lead his people.

His foundation had shifted and, this time, he didn't know if he could recover.

O.o.o.o.o.O

He was in the hold adding a modification to his blaster when he had some sense knocked into him. A screw bounced off the back of his head and a gruff voice spoke up. "You're an ass." Carth turned to glare at Canderous then went back to what he was doing.

Leaning casually against the wall next to the workbench, Canderous crossed his arms over his chest. "Always thought you were at least semi-intelligent but I guess I was wrong."

Carth slammed down the screwdriver. "It's none of your damn business, Canderous, so I don't care what the frell1 you think. Back off."

"Statement: The meatbag needs to learn manners."

Carth gave a harsh laugh. "That's rich coming from you." He turned to face the two beings behind him; it was never a good idea to have them at your back while they were angry at you. "What do you want?"

Canderous pushed off the wall. "Nothing." He smiled cruelly. "Just wanted to see one of the Republic's most respected Commanders acting like a coward." The words hardly left his lips before he was slammed against the bulkhead.

"You watch your mouth, Mandalorian." Carth's eyes burned with barely suppressed rage but his voice was deathly quiet. "You know _nothing_."

"I know you're acting like a thick-skulled rancor with his head so far up his pìgu2 that it's not even funny. You've got a good thing and you don't even realize it." He wrapped his hands around Carth's wrists and jerked him away. "Be a man, Republic." Then he stormed from the room.

Hands clenched, Carth watched him leave then looked at HK, and damn if the droid wasn't glaring at him, as much as a droid could glare anyways. "You got something to say too?"

HK cocked his head. "Conclusion: Meatbags are stupid creatures."

Carth rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. "Tell me something I don't know."

"Warning: If you hurt the master, your body will never be found."

Carth threw his hands in the air. "I get it. I'm an ass."

"Agreement: Yes, you are."

Grabbing his pistol, Carth glared at the assassination droid on his way out.

O.o.o.o.o.O

He searched the ship for her.

The cockpit was empty. There was only a glaring assassin droid in the hold. Zaalbar and T3 were neutral as he went through the main area. Mission sent him her best pout when he poked his head into the women's bunk. Juhani gave him the cold shoulder when he asked if she'd seen her. And Canderous was too busy snoring in the men's bunk to be helpful.

Finally Jolee, with a friendly hand and encouraging smile, pointed him towards the engine room. "Good luck, boy." As Carth walked away he heard him continue. "You're gonna need it."

But Carth wasn't prepared for what he found. She wasn't the pillar of strength that he was used to seeing. She was sitting on the floor, her knees pulled up against her chest, her head down. She looked… lost and Carth felt his heart lurch. "Hey."

She looked up and her eyes were red. "Hey yourself." She flashed a small smile, if it could even be called that, and gestured to the spot next to her. "Have a seat."

He sat and turned to face her. "Look-"

"Wait. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I know this was a shock to you and after everything you've been through…" He tried to speak but she held up a hand. "Let me say this." She took a deep breath. "After we talked I started to think. Why did she – I – turn? I think I figured it out. At least maybe part of the reason."

"Do you remember when we were on Kashyyyk and we had to answer that question in order to access the map but I answered wrong and it sent those droids to attack us?" He nodded. "Well, I was thinking that, maybe, that gave us the answer to why she – I mean I – turned."

"What do you mean?" Though Carth wasn't really sure he wanted the answer. Sometimes, ignorance really could be bliss.

"I mean that the Revan who put up those defenses would have sacrificed those people without a single thought if it meant victory over her enemies. During the war, she was entrusted with the command of thousands of ships, hundreds of thousands of people… And they all counted on her to lead them to victory. So, to her, the fate of many took precedence over the lives of the few. The decisions she had to make hardened her, made her think it was okay to sacrifice people for the bigger picture. People ceased to have meaning unless they could help her achieve her goals."

She met his eyes deliberately. "I want you to know, though, that she was never deliberately cruel, she never took pleasure in the pain of others. She just did what she thought she had to do."

She fell silent and her eyes lost their focus, as if she was imagining some far off battle field. And this gave Carth some much needed time to think. After a long while he spoke quietly. "War changes people. And being in command, especially of a large number of people, you have to come to terms with the idea that the people you lead may very well die doing the things you ask of them. It's never an easy thing but there are some who get so hardened that they stop thinking of the risks to their men and only think of the end result."

She blinked in surprise at his soft tone. "Exactly. I think she forgot that the bigger picture is made up of individual people."

Sighing, he rested his back against the bulkhead. "Soldiers go into battle, every battle, knowing that this time, they could die. It's never a safe occupation and we have to accept that if we are to do our jobs effectively. But using innocents as pawns is never an acceptable sacrifice."

"You're right." She closed her eyes and he heard the break in her voice. "I don't ever want to forget that again."

Hesitantly, he reached out a hand to rest on hers. "You won't. I won't let you." He squeezed her hand. "I promise."

Her eyes still closed, she leaned against him, put her head on his shoulder, and took in his warmth and strength. They weren't okay yet, it would still be sometime before he had completely reconciled with her past, but they were on their way. "Thank you, Carth." Her whisper slipped free just before she fell into sleep for the first time in what seemed like days.

Carth looked down at the woman sleeping against him. He was right; she was a damn confusing woman. But he loved her anyways. Giving into the moment, he leaned forward slightly and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. "You're welcome." He whispered back then settled in for a nap. They would talk more… but later.

O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O.o.o.o.o.O

1) From "Farscape," means the same as frack.

2) An homage to "Firefly," means ass.

AN: Well, thank you for reading. If you like this one, I do have another KotOR story which kind of connects with this one called "When He Saw Her." Please let me know what you thought.


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